Not for long though. I just got home from AJC after doing a show there. Went unexpectedly well! The sound was beefed up by two sets of huge speaker thingamajigs and the students were looking for something away from their notes, so reception was naturally good I guess.

I had an awesome time singing just now.

Somehow, I found the inspiration to keep on singing with all I have. I'd seem to have forgotten how inspiring a song can be, how uplifting it is.

I think it's all about direction of the craft. Before this I picked up singing as a hobby... And when something that needs passion becomes like a hobby, it indeed feels like something you pick up and throw away. Like all the other hobbies I've ever had. I'm good at what I do but I don't last long at it.

This feels different now.

When you give your very best when you sing for an audience, and you tug at something in their souls... When you move them and make them feel how you feel when you sing it. Why is it so special? I can't comprehend it. It's just a sound after all.

That's magic at work there. And I've been very stupid the past few months to have wanted to throw that magic away. All because I didn't find any feeling in it, or any tangible benefits to myself or others. It's not about the benefits we get!! It's about the connection... The feeling... The souls merging together in appreciating what God has given us... Life, gifts, blessings, love, joy, fun, silliness, and even sadness. In that sense, no other instrument created on earth can do that... Only the voice can. And only a voice, sung from the heart, wanting others to know how much you've gone through, or how much life has given you... Only when backed up by such inexplicable feelings and driven with such intense passion can a voice do this.

I used to think that I could give less of myself because I don't want to be famous. I don't want the recognition that others receive, not because I'm the humblest man around, but because fame is inconvenient. (IT IS. Think about it.) One of the reasons why people don't like leadership is the kind of popularity it brings. You become popular with problems and responsibilities that sometimes aren't even your's. True not?

However, just not too long ago, and culminating in yesterday, I had a short trip on why that is wrong. I know why I shouldn't stop singing now. I have a reason.

It's not so much of simply being selfish with my voice, or being upset about turning it corporate. Rather, I found out what my voice can do if I sing with my heart... Which is what everyone's been trying to tell me the past few YEARS, but I've never really digested... Also because they don't really know how to describe it.

For some reason, singing is uplifting. It lifts people out of dark feelings, or brings them to emotional places. It touches people and touches hearts... And inspires them. And... Inspiration is a wonderful thing. to inspire a child to believe in himself or herself. To inspire someone to change and believe in the good. To inspire people by sharing your broken heartedness with them to show them they're not alone in feeling those feelings. To inspire people by showing them the hope of Jesus Christ... To draw them closer to God with a voice, is really something they can't let go of! A marvelous voice just gets to you when you're taking it in.. It draws you closer to liberation, especially when you've trapped yourself in your own pit. It draws out the innermost feelings you have and helps you let go of them.

THAT'S what inspiration is. It's to pick your soul up when it's been driven to the floor.

And, when a voice takes that direction of growth, it can do things beyond imagination.

If God gave me the ability to sing like this for a reason... Then I want to keep doing it. I want to keep seeing people's faces lift after hearing me. Not because I'm good or special, but because they need to hear inspiration.

I WON'T GIVE UP. I won't give it up anymore. I'll keep going. I'll sing for people. I'll sing to my children. To my lover.

Not because of what I am, but because of what I've been given, and because the world needs to hear something different, deep down in their souls, to pick themselves up with again.

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Created at 11:50 AM
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Name: Jerrold Hong
Age: 19 (as of 2008)

I'm an avid music lover. I love singing and (surprise surprise!) I actually sing in tune. Studied in a certain PAP kindergarten before moving on to LPS, then BBSS (which rocks), followed by PJC for PAE (which undoubtedly ALSO rocks) and lastly, ACJC (ROCKS THE MOST). I live in BUKIT PANJANG (not Choa Chu Kang or Bukit Batok), at Senja Grand, the new estate which forever undergoes upgrading (surprisingly without any noise).

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